Learning Emotions

Emotions

This week (week 7) has overall been a good week!

Amelia is this constant ball of learning and growing.

It's amazing to me that a baby could learn so much. Many people think they don't know a lot, but man watching this little one up close, it becomes hard to think that she is not learning and growing every second of every day.

When she was littler (she 7 weeks how littler can she get?) she would cry like every other baby does.

It's a bit frustrating as a new parent to hear your baby cry for a few reasons...

1. You want to help your child.

2. You may not know what your child needs. (Example: bum changed, to be fed, burped, sleep, or they may even just have gas which is no laughing matter.)

3. Baby cries are heartbreaking. If you don't think so it's just proof you don't have a heart.

As Amelia has grown, her cries have too. She has been able to differentiate between the things that make her uncomfortable.

She went from the same type of cry for everything to two different cries.

Numeral uno-I'm hungry, I'm tired.

Numeral dos- "I'm uncomfortable" as I have labeled it. This means I need a bum change, I'm bored, or I'm slightly tired, but not enough to make a big stink about it yet.

Learning the difference between these two has made our baby trouble shoot much easier!

She has learned so many things!

She can blow little bubbles, smile when we smile, coo, hold her head up, stand with assistance for short amounts of time, and do a kicky wiggly dance.

That's a lot to perfect in 7 weeks.

Now that brings us to this week.

The week of emotions.

I first noticed it while giving her a bath. It was obvious, a wail, a very very sad wail. A sound that was instantly heart shattering. It was the sound of sadness.

My baby felt sadness.

I thought maybe it wasn't that, then it happened again the other day when B was changing her bum.

Now I can't deny it, my baby knows what sadness is.

But with that being said she has also had an increase of joy. 

This week she has started to purposefully smile back at us.

Man, I never knew how happy a little persons smile could make me.

The first time she did that was also in the bath. ( I'm starting to think that bath time is source of inspiration in learning and growth for this little one) 

I could see the light in her eyes increase. Then her mouth began to move in a funny way.

It opened up and the lips began to do a movement similar to the wave.

Then it just popped up on her face.

I yelled for B to come, apparently in such an urgent way that he hung up with his mother and came running.

He was relieved to find that it was just for a smile.

Now every day we seem to have a happy hour. A time of the day where a smile is easily found in her face, and ours.

We put away all destractions at this time. We snuggle up with each other and just enjoy the company. 

It's these moments that I live for, trust I love with my whole heart.

This growth of emotions just makes it even more clear that there is opposition in all things.

I was so sad to recognize that my baby feels sadness, but I am very happy she feels joy. 

If they come together then I guess I'm grateful for sadness because it helps her understand joy.

These ideas of sadness and joy are written very clearly in the scriptures from the 2nd book of Nephi in the book of Mormon which reads...

22 And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.

23 And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.

24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.

25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

26 And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given.

One of my favorite parts is that men are that they might have joy.

We were each created to experience happiness. Heavenly father wants us to be happy, but this also comes with being sad so we can understand the difference.

It's amazing how clear things can become as a parent with hindsight.

Well cheers to being sad so we can be happy, and cheers finding joy in this amazing experience we call life!

The first month

Post pardon depression and Nursing.

First things first:

Postpartum depression is a very real and very powerful thing.

If anybody ever suspects that they have it I highly recommend talking with your doctor.

It was explained to me in the hospital that I would be very emotional for about 2 weeks while my hormones leveled out. After that amount of time if I felt depressed, down, blue , had any thoughts of hurting myself or my baby then I should talk to a doctor.

Those 2 weeks are, well there is no better way to put it than crazy.

That's exactly what I was.

One day I would be super happy with tons of energy and then a moment later I would be crying over the fact that my baby had grown 3 inches.

I think just the part of knowing that those quick emotional changes were normal helped me out a lot.

I was able to tell myself that the crazy part was not me.

Yes I love my baby, and yes I'm sad she will grow up, but it's not so dramatic as it was in my head.

I didn't want to have to deal with hormones for a long time so I started doing some research.

I learned many things like hormones are stored in fat cells, this can be a reason why some women deal with postpartum depression for such a long time. 

I made a resolution to get the weight off. I'm not shooting for unrealistic goals, but E do want to be able to do a 5k at the end of the summer. I know it will take some work and dedication, but I'm ready for it.

Another thing I've done is gotten a massage the week after giving birth.
Because hormones are stored in fat,a deep tissue massage can get things loose and flowing. This really helped to flush my system of them.

I also learned that the foods we eat can have a big impact on us.

I've decreased my intake of dairy, meat, and processed foods and replaced them with more fresh fruits and vegetables.

Drinking plenty of water is also key to flushing out the pregnancy hormones. Think of it like a water slide, the more water the quicker they go.

One last thing that I have enjoyed is detox baths. There are a few recipes online but my favorite one includes apple cider vinegar, Epsom salts, and a few drops of lavender oil.
If you want to give it a try follow these rules:

Make sure the water is HOT and soak for 30 mins.

Make sure you sweat!

And drink lots of water before and after.

I know I have my moments of feeling blue, like I'm not qualified for this job of mom, but my husband always has my back. We talk about feelings and separate the real from the crazy and it helps me feel good.

I'm convinced that everyone experiences postpartum depression to a degree, but how we handle it can have the bigger impact.

I think my research has prepared me a lot, and I think I'm on a good path to having my hormones back to normal and under control. 

I also know not all people are the same, so these things may not work for others. Once again, if you even question if you gave postpartum depression please see your doctor, they can help you separate the crazy from reality.

The other real struggle thus past month has been nursing my baby.

I felt like we didn't have the best start. To begin with I didn't even know how long I should nurse her for, I was told she would pull away, but anyone who has ever nursed can tell you that may happen a few times before they are actually done.

This lack of feeding led to another problem, Jaundice. She wasn't eating enough to lower her bilirubin.

We had to stay an additional day so our baby could get light treatments to help decrease the bilirubin.

At that point in time we were informed that she needed to nurse for 10-15 mins on each side.

This was nearly triple the time she had been eating for.

The bilirubin and decreased amount of food caused our baby to be so sleepy and lethargic. Feedings became a game called keep the baby awake, and the baby won more often than we did.

It also became very stressful when we only had half an hour with our baby to feed her in between light treatment sessions.

When we went home we had to slightly supplement feedings to help decrease the bilirubin while my milk came in.

In the end everything worked out fine but we are still practicing this eating thing.

One other difficulty that has come up is how my eating affects her.

For the past week we would have problems because she would pull her latch off and just scream at me. Turns out it was from gas, and I realized I needed to change my diet.

This is not going to be easy because all the foods I typically enjoy can cause a baby to be very gassy.

The foods that are recommended turn out to be the stuff I think is yucky, or just don't know how to cook it.

Thanks to the Internet I've discovered a few recipes that we will be trying, but just cutting back on some foods has proven to be a good idea.

Less gas pains for baby, and one happier momma. 

If I've learned anything this past month it's that I'm always going to be learning how to do this mom thing.

Sometimes it will be by trial and error and other times it will be from advice. I just hope I'm not too stubborn to miss the learning opportunities I am given.

Amelia Arrival

This is how our birth story goes 

5:45 wake up having contractions 5 mins apart. 

6:15 wake husband up and tell him.

Double check hospital bag.

Husband asks if I'm sure I'm in labor because I'm "way too calm."

I guess I was calm because I knew she was finally coming, it wasn't a guessing game anymore.

7:00 get to hospital. Register, answer a billion questions, monitor to check progress.

8:30 discharged due to not progressing enough.

Went on a 3 mile walk.

Went to the store for some pants, and got lunch.

I labored for a few hours more befor finally going back to the hospital at 6 and being admitted at 7.

After 3 hours I started to not progress very well and around 10 the dr broke my water, which brought a lot of relief to me.

Around 2 I received and epidural.

It was slightly disappointing, but I wasn't progressing very well and the nurses thought it could be due to the stress I was under from the pain.

I cried while making this decision because I wanted to have a natural delivery, and the thought of an epidural scared me. 

I'm not a fan of needles.

I progressed for another little while and then plateaued once again.

This time they gave me pitocin. 

I was strongly against pitocin in the beginning due to the fact that it makes contractions harder and faster and that would lead to en epidural.

Since I already had the epidural, might as well have the pitocin.

After that point things moved along very quickly and at about 6:25 it was time to push.

They couldn't get the doctor there quick enough for me. I felt the need to push.

The doctor was still putting on the paper gown and gloves when I started to push.

It didn't take long as I was determined to get my baby girl here.

At 6:41 Our Amelia Jane decided she was ready to meet us.

She weighed 7 lbs 10 oz and was 18.5 inches long.

I'll be honest, being pregnant wasn't my jam, laboring for 24 plus hours was not my idea of fun. Giving birth, however, the part that I was most concerned about, ended up being my favorite part.

Maybe it's the pent up anticipation, the relief of pressure, but I think there is more to it.

It's a very spiritual moment, you are experiencing a moment that God has given you, a moment that in a split second your capacity to love and feel has increased.

We have these moments in our lives but usually they take longer periods of time. As I met and got to know my husband it took many years to develope the love I have for him (we met in middle school).

The love I have for my baby was over powering and instantaneous.

It was also amazing how quickly my love for my husband grew in that moment too. I realized that my love for him increased my love for her, and the more I loved her the more I loved him.

Because of that feeling I'm excited to have more children. 

I'm excited to increase my capacity for love. I'm excited to create and feel so connected with my heavenly parents.

Being this girls mamma is my favorite thing to be.

I'm excited to watch her life unfold, I know we will have our ups and our downs but I know me and my husband will always be there for her with our hands up and ready to enjoy the ride!